i know you are but what am i

My teeth are whiter than yours. My teeth aren't very white

I am skinnier than you. I am not that skinny

I am less vulgar than you. I can still be vulgar

I am more polite than you. I am not polite

I am smarter than you. I am not that smart

I wear more tasteful makeup than you do . I don't wear makeup

My smile isn't crooked like yours. My smile is garden variety

I am more proportionate than you. I am not all that evened out

I am less shallow than you. I am still a little shallow

I start my own trends. That someone started first.

I am nicer than you. I am not nice

I am less of a bitch than you. I am still a bitch

I am prettier than you. I am not pretty

All of these things add up but i think that I am like Stanley Yelnats, I am just in the wrong place at the wrong time. You landed a nice guy and can't keep your feelings inside. But what i don't think you realize is how much it upsets me to hear all of the wonderful things you say. So many flaws but he says he loves you just the way you are. You are full of yourself and think that just because he likes you, that everyone will adore you as he does. You are making me hate who you have become. Where is Shia LeBeaouf when i need him??

stratocasteR

you are probably one of the most selfish people i have ever come to know. My problems mean nothing but the slightest disinterest in your life causes an eruption of global size that always potentially endangers my life. Reflecting back on all the occasions in which my large problems didn't even meet the level of importance of your minuscule ones....well, they really add up. So to say I'm going to turn the tables would be a vast understatement. Well just have to see how you like it. Trust me......you won't.

freaks and geeks

Hearing your alarm five hours before you would have wanted to is not what normally is desired. You have to rip yourself out of your warm sheets into the winter morning air. Then you have to worry about what to cover yourself with to keep warm; to keep cool and to look cool too. Wasting gas money to take yourself to school is torture in itself. But taking the bus as the added bonus of sharing your seat with a 7th grade girl who is prattling on about her Neopets. So it’s either waste money or have everyone know you as that kid who takes the bus their senior year. Getting in the building and traveling where you need to go is a chore inside of itself. Couples kissing at every corner and people talking right in the doorway of your first period class is not always fun. Going to your locker pod that can’t fit your textbooks or your sweater is just added weight that you have carry around all day that may just be the cause of that annoying scoliosis that you now have to wear a mortifying back and neck brace for. Sure the different classes are good for you when you have them. But when you are walking back from gym class and you are sweaty from not having the time to take a shower the last thing you want to smell is Global Gourmets interpretation of Chinese food. Walking into classes and sitting in a seat with unknown sticky, greasy stuff on it is just a little disgusting. So many people inhabiting one place is just a germ fest; a bacteria overload; and a stomach virus waiting to happen. So you think your day isn’t going too good? Well you have to deal with about 150 other people who claim to be having worse days or are just permanently in a bad mood. But act up just once and you will go to the fabled principles office; which in high school is just code for “your toast, forget about your future now, and that A that you wanted on the calculus test tomorrow. You will be spending that study time in Saturday suspension cleaning the sticky desk that you were complaining about in the first place.” Getting pushed and shoved in the hallway by people who are bigger than you and think that they are somehow more important can just make you even more late and lead to your next Saturday suspension. And with so many kids there is no way anyone would take you for an out of the ordinary kind of person; or a wow you are a real overachiever. There is always someone one level up. You lose yourself in the shuffle and in many ways you can’t find yourself again. All of these problems could be easily avoided by just sleeping in and teaching ourselves addition and subtraction on our own time

Très bien ensemble

So i was coming down the stairs last Tuesday and tripped; when a very handsome and debonair boy in a dress coat caught me. (literally) He looked me right in the eye with a very concerned look and just asked me if i was alright. I said yes and i think that is thanked him but you never know. It was the end of the day so i walked behind him until our paths did part but for the rest of the week I wanted to know who he was and wanted to thank him; i wasn't sure if i had the first time. I had named him Phillip for lack of a better name in that moment. But he seemed to be lost in a sea of adolescents with no manners and for that matter; didn't care that they didn't have manners.
Well, i found him. It took time perseverance and a bit of stalking but i found him. His name is Alex and i doubt that if i were to speak to him that he would even remember who i was and what he had done for me. Even though i now know his name every time i see him he will always be Phillip and even though he probably doenst realize it; he touched my life and made a lasting impression. This makes me wonder how many people's lives we all touch everyday and how much of it they remember and think of when they look at you. I hold this story for example and maybe someday i will have a real conversation with Phillip and speak of the day that he saved me a very large bruise.

hobo train

so we heard a story on the last day of psychology that was really sad.

A girl who was about 23 was waiting at the subway platform when a mentally ill homeless man was running through the terminal. He tackled her off the platform and onto the tracks. She was pulled under the platform and he started to rape her. There were at least 30 people standing on the platform and none of them did anything. They all heard her scream for help but they just stood there. A business man comes down the steps to catch an train and asks what the noise is. One woman pointed to the tracks. The man jumped down into the channel, pulled the man off the woman and clocked him in the face. He ran off and he pulled the girl out just beofre the next train came into the station.
Of all those people no one did anything when everyone saw everything happen. I don't think i would ever have the courage or the strength to do what that man did but i could never just stand by and listen to a woman screaming like that. I would hope that if i were grabbed, mugged, or threatened that someone would show courage enough to help someone in need other than just stand there, pointing at the problem.
People are all too selfish today and i hope it comes back to bite them

elmo, cowgirl, hermione, and diana ross

so Halloween didn't really feel like Halloween this year. Maybe it was the missing elementary schools songs or carving pumpkins, whatever it was it left me with a strangely missing attitude. I went out on mischief night for the first time this year but it only made me like a worse person. Even though i did get back at a crazy alcoholic at the end of my street who almost raped me once. I heard that when he saw his car he had the mentality to probably rape me and then bring me back from the dead only to kill me again in a less humane way than the first time. But in a way i wanted him to know that i messed up his car and that he deserved everything that happened to his car and more. On Halloween night all of our pumpkins were smashed in the middle of out street so i guess in a way karma is a bitch, i bet he was the one who actually did it. But ten pounds of candy kinda makes up for the void. At most of the houses people would look at us and tell us that we were a little too old but i think that as long as i can get away with it i can get as much free candy as i want. But it did make me think about the one day that i contemplated having a Halloween party then busied myself with some other meaningless task. so overall Halloween was average. When you add up the candy, fun and revenge and subtract the pumpkins it wasn't half bad.

21 and Sober

dedicated to:
Aaron Jeffrey Krick

you told me once that humans were "irrational creatures". I don't exactly remember the context but it stood out in my mind because i had a true irrational experience today. A girl in my imc class was sleeping next to me. Like seriously....on the verge of snoring and we had about three minutes left of class. So being the good person that i try to be i attempted to wake her up thinking that i might get an "omg thanks", no such luck. She didnt wake up and then when i told the teacher on the way out that she might want to wake her up she followed me down the hall to ask me why i didn't mind my own business. Now my initial reaction was to smack her upside her head and simply say you're welcome but i just said to her that i had tried to wake her up and that i didn't mean to piss her off. It seems like everyone i that class has a target set around my face and i am not exactly sure why that is but i dont feel the greatest about it. Then i remembered what my brother said and it made me feel a little bit better.....not much but i guess enough to make a difference. People in general don't stop to ask questions and examine situations before flipping out and using obscenities like "why the fuck did you tell her that i was sleeping" i think she would have figured it out on her own eventually.
But people don't make sense to me and no matter how nice of a thing i try to do, i get bit in the ass for it. So don't take it personal but i am not doing any favors for people who sit next to me, copy my paper and sell cigs to each other before lunch.
So thank you Aaron for some insight into a totally off topic that just so happened to relate to my life today. <3

peculiar specimen

You intrigue me to say the least. Watching you go throughout your day makes me almost want to cry for you. I don't know why i feel this way about you but i think it might help me get to know and be friends with you better. You express yourself in the only way you know how, and try to share this with others but at the same time you stay detached and almost lost. You only sing in church when you realize that you are the only one not and that god might look at you in question. You are tragically funny but don't laugh at yourself because you secretly think people are laughing at you not with you. You put others before yourself but still care about your own well being a great deal. You care more about friends than relationships but tragically wish you could find the one you were meant to find. You think about the opposite sex more than you should but don't watch inappropriate shows because that is exactly not how you want people to think of you, but don't plan to do much about it. You like to put things more into a destiny perspective because you aren't what you would call lazy just wants things to happen rather than chase after them. I wish i could be more like you in more than a few ways. but i think that i am too fragile to live the way you do. so for now you are a great role model and hopefully a good friend.

Spruce Not Spruce Lake

We all wondered if High Point Camp would live up to the standards we had of Spruce Lake. But to be honest i loved High Point Camp as much and or more than Spruce Lake. The cinnamon buns could use some work but nit-picking is being a little bit too critical. Some of it was hard to do for me, trying to be open to everyone and try to be nice to a certain 13 year old who thought she was the hottest shit to hit youth group. All of the poeple there were amazing and even though there weren't as many people as last year i wouldn't trade the group that went for anything. But all in all i had a great time and i would go back to high point in a heartbeat.

Can't wait for our kent rematch and
thank you for welcoming me kerry!
i hope this will be funnn