I LOVE EMILY YOUNG

Insomnia

I am getting really frustrated. Last night I was watching House before I went to bed. I was about half asleep and a wonderful idea dawned on me, it was the perfect expression of the song that has been trying to come out of my head for about 4 weeks now. But of course I fell asleep and now have no recollection of what I was thinking or even what triggered this episode of brilliance. So I don't know how to fix this so that these stupid ideas go places. But for now i guess i just have to blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol.

CARDboard

I don't think anyone realizes how artistic and special everyday things are. Like i just stumbled onto this website called cardboardlove.com and it's really cute. It's kinda like post secret but not as good. I found this one and I thought of you....

I still love you...

Gr@duAti0N

I saw a post secret this morning and it was almost as if I wrote it. It makes me so sad that you are leaving high school in 2 and a half weeks. We went to the same elementary school and I liked you since fourth grade. They all told me i was crazy because he was in fifth grade and I wasn't allowed to like him. So I stopped telling all of of them. But then in fifth grade I saw you again. You were still really cute but I didn't tell anyone because I knew what they would all say. You went to middle school and I was too young to be heart broken but I knew I would miss you.

My middle school years went by in a flash. I was sure that you were gone forever. I stopped thinking about you and I had accepted the fact that this crush was lost in a sea of adolescent drama. But in high school I was re-united with your face and immediately remembered what they had told em in fourth grade. You are popular and now everyone envys who you have become. I still love you and I think you only know my name in passing as "that bitchy girl who no one likes".

It makes me really sad that all these years I was thinking about you and hoping that someday I would know you. But it never happened and now you are leaving. All these years I wanted so much to just tell you this sad story and about how much I wanted to talk to you. It's almost impossible at this point and I couldn't even tell you how much I will miss you. Please remember as more than just "that girl"......

A Crucial Decision

I was looking at your pictures on facebook and had a revelation. When your boyfriend cheated on you with my friend I felt really bad for you, and when you dumped him it made me really happy because he didn't want my friend anymore. Now that friend has left my circle to be a slut, so thank you so much for relieveing me of a horrible friend.
You got anyother boyfriend and you guys are really cute together and it makes me think about the day you found out that your boyfriend of 3 years cheated with a really ugly girl. But if i had not told who I told who told you....you might have still been with him. I would know that he was cheating on you everyday and you would just go on thinking that he was the faithful boyfriend you had always known. You're Welcome.
You both seem happy and I wonder where your new boyfriend would be if you were still dating this creep. You were both given a beautiful chance out of a horrible situation. It worked out great for the both of us and you don't even know my name. You have helped me more than you could ever know. Thanks

Captain's Log Star Date 32509

I had a beautiful idea yesterday. It had something to do with a song; and it had something to do with a note scheme. But no matter now; thanks to vicodin I cannot remember any of it. That could have been the one hit wonder to make me as famous as Mick Jagger. Apparently it won't be now so now my mind is trying to bend over backwards to remember any incling of anything from yesterday. At least I wrote down a word or two. It wont be such a bad place to re-start; although it wont be the ideal place to continue

What Brings Me the Most Joy...

Is the beauty in potential. I would much rather think about what I was going to do and think about what crazy storied I could tell people after i had done them then actually do it. Because things almost never turn out the way you want them to. Like take my surgery for example. I would much rather sit at home the day before and imagine myself on the phone talking to random friends #4 telling them how my face did not get large at all and it doesn't hurt and all of those types of wonderful things than have to go through all of it and have to realize that the picture that I had painted was actually much prettier than the one that became a reality. Like I am sitting at home reading, blogging, writing a song, and learning sign language. Sounds nice to you. But the reality of me telling you that is that I am doing all of these things but counting the minutes until I can take more pain meds.
You paint these wonderful pictures in your head about what you want events to turn out to be and then most of the time it doesn't turn out to be as nice. I will stick with the pictures if you don't mind. They are much less painful than what really happens to me; both emotionally and sometimes physically.

Chunky Monkey

So all in all the whole thing wasn't nearly as bad as I thought. But the after math is making me want to take a shotgun shell to the face.

I went into this office where no one smiles...ever. I sit down in this chair and the nurse proceeds to ask me how much weed I have smoked and how much cocaine I have snorted. I think she was my favorite. When I told her I had never done either she looked at me like my eyes were blood shot or something and she knew I was lying. Which, for once I wasn't.

Then some hispanic nusre comes in and tells me to lift up my shirt. Not really what I wanted to hear from a heavy-set woman whom I could barely understand. But she put three heart monitors on me and told me to relax. Then I had a blood pressure cuff that almost cut off my circulation once every two minutes. She then came at me with one of those nose tube things that you see unfortunate older people breathing into an oxygen tank with every once in a while when you go to the Acme. I told her no thanks but I dont think she understood me cause she just stuck it up my nose and around my head. Pssh whatever woman.

Once my IV was in my arm the doctor came in and asked how I was feeling. Well, now that you ask I feel great. I have never been attached to a machine that beeps frantically when i hold my breath and I kinda wanna throw up right now but I'm great. He tells me is going to wash his hands and then he would be back. Great idea! Let's wash our hands before we cut open this girls mouth. In a desperate attempt to lighten the mood a kept holding my breath to see how loud the machine would beep. Well nurse #1 who thought I was on drugs told me to stop in a very harsh tone. She was so nice to me in my time of need.

The doctor comes back and tells me he is putting meds into my IV to put me to sleep. All i recall as for the rest of this sad story was having the room spin and then go black. I woke up 37 minutes later when he was putting cotton in my mouth. He says nothing more to me and leaves. Nice guy, i would so much rather see him as a little kiddy dentist. I'm sure he would excell at that. But as I am waking up the nurse tells me this crazy story that i can't decide whether she made up or not. She told me that i kept calling the doctor Mufasa and i was asking him where Simba and Nala were because I wanted to see them very badly.

Weird. But Vicodin is my new best friend. Him and Ice. Definately the best thurdsday morning in my book

sleuthy loothy

This is long overdue but I still feel like writing it. So Brittany and I decided to go on an expedition slash secret mission to a local concert in town. So we went into town and got coffee just like just about everyone else who goes into town around here.
So then we decided to meander towards the moose lodge. We get in and see some kid with his septum pierced giving hand stamps if you did so decide to leave and for some insane reason want to come back. So we pay the kid 8 dollars and go upstairs. Only to find a large moose head outside the door and a very strange "concert". The only people that were there were the people who thought they were being cool by saying they were going to a concert that night and the weird girls who just went to drool over the band when everyone with eyes could clearly see they had no chance in hell.
But I would like to think that we just looked like people looking for a good time. But not exactly finding it. There was a small patch of wood in the middle of the room, in front of the stage, where people were supposed to stand. Two people stood there and the rest of the weird kids that we had never seen before gravitated to the walls and the back. Who goes to a concert and stands against the wall by choice? So at the risk of looking stupid we both just stood at the back of the room against a table and watched. I was trying to ignore the fact that we were standing next to the most wanna-be loser desperate for a date girls there. The one kept leaning over and talking to me about how hit the drummer was and all I could do was give her a fake laugh and smile. So in a desperate attempt of escape from the bimbos brittany and I staked out a spot on the wall, just like everyone else.
But we just sat and enjoyed the music and of course the visual entertainment. I sniped a few pictures for obvious reasons. I wanted to document the tragic evening and all of it's happenings. Just for the record ya know?
Anyway we went back to my house after the event was over and ate poptarts. We listened to music by totally not the same band that we went to see and went to bed. But then I realized that even though our intentions were totally different than those who were; we could have been looked at as creepers. Luckily we both knew the extent of out creeping was minimal if at all. But i must say we were some high quality secret agents

because i feel like it

A group of friends start a garage band. I'm almost positive that they think not much of it in the grand sceme of their lives and the growing pop culture. But they are all friends and they do it all just to maybe become closer, or maybe it is to become what they never had; a family. They practice more than any normal band does. But most of the time is spent throwing m&ms at each other and writing nonsense with a tune. But they gain some followers and tap into the actual composition talent they have only to find they have much more than they had all ever realized. They call the band "cosmic flight squad". A local gig was a step up from school fund raisers and the occasional family party.

Playing on what could barely be considered a stage, one member had a realization. Looking out on the people who were singing along with him, singing along with HIM. He was just a kid. But to think that he had control and influence over more than just him was incredibly empowering. They knew his words; the words that he had writtten that night that they slept in his basement and ate day old pizza. But in the same moment he made a vow. He would not become famous. he didnt want it. He didn't want people falling all over him and having people ask which brand of water he wanted in the tour bus.

Finishing the set he walked off the stage thinking one thing. I do this because i love music, not because i want to go places. I go places because i want to go places. I write music just because i feel like it. It was what his soul ached to do, so he did it. But his soul did not ache to lose what had made him who he was, his character. So he wrote and wrote but never performed again.

RIP- cosmic flight squad

found my place

Looking at someone doing what i thought i wanted to really do for the rest of my life....i realized something. I'm not the kind of person to do that. I have the personality and the perseverence but i could never honestly see myself doing it. So i have made an executive desicion to not follow this career. But to rather find someone with this career and involve myself in that respect. I am a better support system than i think i would ever be a ________. It will still be in the back of my mind should the opportunity arise, which it does not for many people. (even the ones who put their heart and soul into the chase) So i will settle for look but not touch lifestyle. I will still get the recognition as the behind the scenes woman right?

es tut mir sehr leid

i know i haven't been here in a long time. But i have still been writing. so there is good still to come. I promise....you will just have to be patient.

My global position systems are vocally addressed;
They say the Nile used to run from east to west,
They say the Nile used to run… from east to west.

I'm fine,
but I hear those voices at night,
sometime...